Is This the Real Life?

I've been sick for almost two weeks now. What originally began as a stuffy nose has now progressed to a congested cough and an occasional stuffy nose. On the plus side, I can now sing bass...

College lag is officially consuming my soul again. Even though I'm only taking 12 academic credit hours (I don't really include marching band as an academic class), I have to put an incredible amount of effort into 2 of my 4 classes. On average I write about 6 papers a week for my Creative Writing workshop class, and for my god-awful World Literature class I need to pay attention or else fail miserably. Have I mentioned how much I hate my professor for that class? If not, let me say it: I hate my World Literature professor.

Last week was more or less our "Rush Week" for Kappa Kappa Psi and Tau Beta Sigma. In total we have about 30 or so potential membership candidates interested in joining our organization. Next week is our Bid Night, so we'll determine from there who will be extended an invite. Depending on who receives a bid next week, I think I know whom I may want for a Little Brother and a Little Sister. We'll see how it all plays out.

Yesterday was our first home football game against Marshall. The Falcons won 44-28. Our first halftime show "Bohemian Rhapsody" went exceptionally well also. Last night reminded me yet again how thankful I am I chose to continue music in college and be a part of such an amazing group of musicians, music and non-music majors alike. Though I thought it was a little bit of a low blow when, during Tuba Cheers, the Sax cheer was "You still owe Eddie a new phone!" Ironically enough, I was with Eddie when he went to purchase a new phone since he broke his old one, thus the saxophones do not owe him one.

I have to be at work in a few hours. Yuck. So hopefully by napping earlier today I'll be ready for the chaos of what lies ahead.

That is all.

Thank you and good night.

A Clinger

For reasons unknown, I have been feeling incredibly useless lately.

I go to work, I go to school, I hang out with friends, but I still feel like I'm a wasted space sometimes, or that I'm too needy and need to rely on others to feel a thrive of happiness.

This past week I've had some very quality sax bonding time. I finally had dinner with most of the Nugeyes and they liked that I was there with them. I enjoyed being in their company as well, but I still felt.... useless. A small group of us went to rock climbing, and while I did not partake in this frightening activity, I did sit on the bench and converse and observe those who did. I had my picture taken a couple times, and we all smiled and laughed, but... I don't know, it just felt out-of-place for me. On Saturday I went to B-Dubbs for the third time that week (I must be a regular by now) to watch the BG vs. Troy game with the saxes who didn't go home this weekend, and while I did have a few conversations with some of them, a part of me still felt a little dumb for being there. It also didn't help that the B-Dubbs we were at couldn't get the game on, but oh well.

I've also had quite a bit of Big/Little bonding time this past week. I'm pretty sure I've spent at least a half hour or more with Eddie every day since Monday. And it's been great, at least for me. I feel like I'm actually wanted when I hang out with my Big Brother, something I don't always feel when I'm with my other friends. I also saw Alex a few times this past week, which was weird but wonderful nonetheless. Anyway, I think last night I went past the line for excessively hanging out. I made a Meijer run and got some food essentials and baked cookies at Eddie's place, and we watched FOX Sunday TV shows, something I haven't done for quite a while. Usually I work Sunday nights, but because it's a special holiday weekend, my schedule was rearranged this one time only. ANYWAY, as we were sitting and watching TV, Eddie looked at me and asked, "So, why don't you wanna go home, Little?"

I took the hint. But why don't I ever wanna go home? I told Eddie it was because I still felt like I was in high school when I went home, and there was really nothing to do, which is partially true. Okay, maybe it's entirely true. I hate having to drive twenty-some minutes to and from BG every day, and every time I am home that odd, dark feeling of not really living at home anymore starts to consume me. I'm just a handful of college students in the FMB who still lives at home with her parents. Some people relish in the fact I can see my family every day, but they don't understand. I really wish I didn't live at home with my parents, I wish I could afford to live on my own. I feel like I'm still a high school student, except that my parents don't know my professors and they don't ask me who I hang out with as much. I loathe that feeling of being so dependent on my parents, even though I know they don't have the money. Now I feel like I'm becoming too dependent on my friends....

I wish I knew where to draw the line on my personal boundaries and stop trespassing on my friends' boundaries.

That is all.

Thank you and good day.